Irradiated 20-year olds with perky breasts and perfect skin may be the only ones amongst us that do not appreciate September. Their sun-soaked bodies are slowly returning to a healthier, less cardboard-y tone and texture and they are not pleased. I can only imagine the mental struggles that accompany such an event. Life is hard.
For everyone else, September is the fucking best. September is when baseball and football share the profound experience of simultaneous orgasm. Maybe October's your thing, but October's bogged down with shitty sports like hockey and basketball. It's also getting cold in October. Fuck October.
Today, a few things will happen:
The Orioles will play the Tampa Bay Rays and the Chicago Bears will play the Green Bay Packers. I will also probably consume a large amount of nachos. September is the best.